je ne regrette rien

“things to do before you’re 30”

in exactly a week i will be an old woman of age 30. i’ve decided i might be missing out on a few things, so i’m checking out online lists.

i’ve done a lot of stupid things, most of which have occurred during my 20s.

anyway-here’s a list of 150 things (+random commentary) i’ve found…

150 things to do before you turn 30

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink

no

02. Swam with dolphins

i wish!!

03. Climbed a mountain

nope, but i got lost in the mountains once. mammoth mountain, in california, with my ex and one of his old bandmates. they were panicking, i was in love with the stars.

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive

nope, i can’t drive.

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

that would be awesome!

06. Held a tarantula

nope

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone

yes :) a few times. i learned that penises float!

08. Said “I love you” and meant it

yes

09. Hugged a tree

i was an odd child, even stranger adult…

10. Bungee jumped

i would probably shit myself. i’d rather never experience this.

11. Visited Paris

dying to! i have a place to crash there, the next step is taking the trip!

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea

no, but i think i’d love to do something like that.

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise

several times. regular night out for me usually ends with the sun rising before i get home.

14. Seen the Northern Lights

another desire of mine…one day…

15. Gone to a huge sports game

i’m not a big sports fan. i’d probably just get really drunk on beer and not bother watching.

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa

would be cool!

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables

yes. in my mum’s garden, which is now gone.

18. Touched an iceberg

a fake one at the science centre, does that count?

19. Slept under the stars

camping<3

20. Changed a baby’s diaper

yes. i babysat my niece so my sister could go back to highschool. changed lots of diapers.

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon

no and i’m not really interested in that. i’d get bored and i’m a little afraid of heights.

22. Watched a meteor shower

yes. when i was a kid.

23. Gotten drunk on champagne

yessss.

24. Given more than you can afford to charity

no. but i do do my share :)

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

i want to!!

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

of course.

27. Had a food fight

yes.

28. Bet on a winning horse

i’m not much of a gambler…

29. Asked out a stranger

no.

30. Had a snowball fight

yes.

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can

yes.

32. Held a lamb

no, but awe!!

33. Seen a total eclipse

solar? lunar? i’ve seen both, but not watched from start to finish.

34. Ridden a roller coaster

tons! i love when i’m lying in bed after a day of them, and feeling like i’m still on them.

35. Hit a home run

no. not that great at sports.

36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking

all the time. no shame.

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day

nope.

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment

yes:)

39. Had two hard drives for your computer

i have an external hard drive, does that count?

40. Visited all 50 states

i think i’ve been to 5, but 3 of those were just the airports.

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk

several times. and i’ve totally been drunk sitted.

42. Had amazing friends

yes <3

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country

nope

44. Watched whales

nope

45. Stolen a sign

if i did, i was probably too drunk to remember. i stole a watermelon once…

46. Backpacked in Europe

nope

47. Taken a road-trip

yes. a lot! i’m over due for another one!

48. Gone rock climbing

no, but i’d like to try climbing one of those rock walls they have at some gyms.

49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach

yes, by a lake, but i would love to by the ocean!

50. Gone sky diving

no, and i never will. scary!

51. Visited Ireland

i want to…but haven’t.

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love

no, though i thought i would be…

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them

no.

54. Visited Japan

not yet, and i am dying to visit!!!!!

55. Milked a cow

no, well, i don’t think so. i might’ve. i feel like i have vague memories of it from when i was a kid.

56. Alphabetized your CDs

they’re in alphabetical order now, and always!

57. Pretended to be a superhero

i don’t have to pretend, i totally am one!

58. Sung karaoke

yea, never sober.

59. Lounged around in bed all day

yes, and sometimes that is the best thing you can do for yourself.

60. Played touch football

nope.

61. Gone scuba diving

no, but i really want to!

62. Kissed in the rain

yes.

63. Played in the mud

yes

64. Played in the rain

yes.

65. Gone to a drive-in theatre

no, but it’d be fun!

66. Visited the Great Wall of China

no, but i’d like to.

67. Started a business

nope.

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken

it wasn’t real love. i’ve only been in love once and he broke my heart.

69. Toured ancient sites

another “no”, and another “want to”

70. Taken a martial arts class

no, but i should!

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight

no. i don’t even really understand what that exactly is.

72. Gotten married

no. but i had someone tell me they wanted to marry me “one day”

73. Been in a movie

yes.

74. Crashed a party

no

75. Gotten divorced

nope

76. Gone without food for 5 days

sort of. i had issues with an eating disorder for years. i once weighed 92lbs.

77. Made cookies from scratch

yes! i love baking!

78. Won first prize in a costume contest

nope.

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice

*tears*

80. Gotten a tattoo

not yet, but i do want one.

81. Rafted the Snake River

i can’t imagine that’d go well for me.

82. Been on a television news program as an “expert”

sadly no.

83. Gotten flowers for no reason

no, and that pisses me off. i love flowers! the closest i’ve come to that is taking home a bouquet from set.

84. Performed on stage

yes, and i miss it a lot!

85. Been to Las Vegas

no, i wanted to go for my 30th bday actually, but it didn’t work out.

86. Recorded music

i’ve recorded myself singing, and been in the studio when other people were recording. does that count?

87. Eaten shark

YUCK!!!!

88. Kissed on the first date

yes. doesn’t that usually happen?

89. Gone to Thailand

another no

90. Bought a house

i don’t ever see this happening.

91. Been in a combat zone

luckily, no.

92. Buried one/both of your parents

no, and i am beyond grateful for this! why is this even on this list?!

93. Been on a cruise ship

i’ve been on a dinner “cruise” around toronto island.

94. Spoken more than one language fluently

no.

95. Performed in Rocky Horror

no

96. Raised children

i feel like i helped raise one of my nieces. twin’s daughter.

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour

nope

98. Passed out cold

o yes.

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country

nope

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over

yes. from brampton to toronto.

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

no.

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking with the windows open

probably.

103. Had plastic surgery

not yet, but i want to get a nose job. maybe a few other procedures…at least i’m honest!

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived

i was in a pretty serious car accident 10 years ago. there is a chance i could’ve died, but i’m still here :)

105. Wrote articles for a large publication

nope

106. Lost over 100 pounds

i’ve never weighed over 130lbs, so nope.

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback

no

108. Piloted an airplane

no

109. Touched a stingray

no.

110. Broken someone’s heart

yes.

111. Helped an animal give birth

yes. a neighbour’s cat. the kittens were so tiny!

112. Won money on a TV game show

no

113. Broken a bone

surprisingly no

114. Gone on an African photo safari

no

115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears

tongue when i was 16. it’s still pierced.

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol

nope.

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild

no.

118. Ridden a horse

yes.

119. Had major surgery

just had my tonsils out,i wouldn’t consider that “serious.”

120. Had a snake as a pet

no

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

nope

122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period

nope

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States

nope, i’ve never been out of north america.

124. Visited all 7 continents

nope

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days

nope

126. Eaten kangaroo meat

DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!

127. Eaten sushi

yes. just the veggies! been a vegetarian since i was 12.

128. Had your picture in the newspaper

yes.

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about

i’d like to think so. i think i have a few times.

130. Gone back to school

no, but i’d like to. i want to learn massage!

131. Parasailed

no, but it’d be fun!

132. Touched a cockroach

nope, and i’m quite content not doing that.

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes

no, i’m kinda allergic to tomato

134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey

no. but i think i should

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read

no. i read what i want.

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

never and never will. vegetarian.

137. Skipped all your school reunions

yes.but i did participate in my old dance school’s reunion.

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

nope. well, maybe. i don’t know.

139. Been elected to public office

nope.

140. Written your own computer language

i don’t speak computer.

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream

at certain moments.

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care

no, and i’m happy i haven’t had to!

143. Built your own PC from parts

i don’t speak computer.

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you

no.

145. Had a booth at a street fair

nope.

146. Dyed your hair

yes. my natural colour is so dull!

147. Been a DJ

my ex and i once took over a dj booth at a small bar downtown. the people loved what we were playing on the ipod, then we got in trouble. meh. wait, does ipod djing even count?

148. Shaved your head

no, i would look disgusting.

149. Caused a car accident

nope.

150. Saved someone’s life

i like to think that i have and do on a daily basis.

advice from my twitter account…

a little while back i wrote out a bunch of tips on my twitter account … follow if you want http://www.twitter.com/pamelamars … anyway-i thought i’d devote a tumblr post to them, get them all out in one list. enjoy. also, this advice can work for both sexes. maybe i’ll add to it. we’ll see. for now …

1-if she is WAY out of your league and shows no signs of interest or acts repulsed by you. don’t waste your time. she’ll never be interested

2-if you want to have sex with a girl, and she seems interested, don’t immediately try to sleep with her. butter her up. take her out, it might take a few dates, but the sex will be better when you’re more comfortable with each other. less fear to act on impulse.

3-expensive gifts, dinners, etc will not necessarily gain you entry to her vagine. act like you’re interested and pay attention to her. work for it.

4-anal sex. Never demand it, or say “it just slipped in.” we know it didn’t. And that shit hurts, even when you’re expecting it.

5-don’t always expect her to say yes, or be available when you think she should be. she’s probably just as busy as you are.

6-acting jealous or possessive will not make you any more attractive.

7-do not make rude comments about her weight or compare her to other girls.

8-no girl wants to feel like she’s one of many. never call her by someone else’s name, or say that you are fucking other girls, even if it is obvious.

9-if you asked her out, it’s safe to assume that she thought you were picking up the tab. by asking her to split the bill you’ve unconsciously told her you just want to be friends. it wasn’t a real date. just a friendly get together.

10-a date doesn’t always have to include alcohol. you learn more about a person sober than you do intoxicated.

11-don’t cum on her face or in her hair. that’s more of a relationship type thing. in certain cases, so is swallowing your semen. chances are it doesn’t smell or taste good, especially if you have a bad diet, smoke, etc.

12-being rude or acting like she no longer exists after having sex with her will only make you look like an asshole, and all her friends will know how small your dick is/how bad your balls smell/your premature ejaculation issue/how hairy your ass is/how saggy your balls are…etc.

13-most girls don’t want to only be described as “hot” or “sexy.” try telling her she’s “beautiful.”

14-sending her a picture of your dick, will not get you laid any sooner. it might just get you added to her “creeper” list.

15-not every girl will be into you taking pictures or videos of you guys having sex. and doing this without her permission is very creepy.

16-porn is not as educational as you think it is. just cuz you saw it in one, doesn’t mean it will work in any real life situation. all it proves is that you spend way too much time watching it…and masturbating.

17-respect is extremely important. so is trust.

18-just wear the fucking condom. there’s more to worry about than just getting her pregnant.

19-ass to anything is a very bad idea. chances are she hasn’t used an anal douche in any recent history. even still, i’m pretty sure she wouldn’t appreciate the yeast infection or e coli.

20-on a date, don’t check out every girl around you. or make comments. or hit on any of them. . just go home and masturbate to porn.

21-yea, you just want to fuck her, but treat her like she’s human. can’t handle that? click link —> http://www.realdoll.com/

22-a little spanking here and there is fine, but don’t over do it by slapping her across her face, or leave her covered in bruises.

23-don’t cum too quickly. girls have sex for orgasms too. if you blow before this happens, you have fingers and a mouth.

24-not all vaginas look that same. like your junk, females differ in appearance too.

25-not all girls scream and moan like they do in porn. and some of those porn positions are not ideal for sex that is not being filmed.

26-a lot of women can not achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. learn where it is. don’t be too rough, or too gentle.

27-know your lube. Silicone, water based. Non flavoured. Unscented. Do not ever use baby oil, any oil, Vaseline.

28-acting disinterested will only make her think you’re disinterested. it won’t make her work any harder to get your attention, especially if you were the one who initiated the whole thing. she’ll probably just end up thinking you’re a sketchy person.